Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
