and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
