Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
