As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
