he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The best revenge is premature balding
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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