its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
