If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
