If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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