i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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