those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
