That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
