In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can't special order awesome
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
