I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
