o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
