Someone shit on the floor
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Success! We fucked roommates!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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