ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
