we're chasing vodka with high fives
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
