She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
