you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
