you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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