we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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