Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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