Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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