Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize