i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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