saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
