I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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