i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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