dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
