I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
