booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
