When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
