I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
