the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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