I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
