Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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