I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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