Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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