She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will be naked everywhere
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
