so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
