my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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