I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
