i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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