we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
