Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
