PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
