Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
