Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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