Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize