dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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