He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
