I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
