I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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