I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
