New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
