Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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