I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
