I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
