I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
