id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
