have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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