I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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