I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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