Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
