I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
