I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
