He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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