WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
