drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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