She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
