hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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