I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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