It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
