I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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