he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
