If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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