I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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