Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize