also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
