I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
