You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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