i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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