Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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