nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
