My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
