Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
