I want to make a zoo with you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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