ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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