My friends, they love my intelligence
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
