so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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