I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
