I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got her a Nickelback box set.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
