Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
