Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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