Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
