So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
