im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
